How to Say No by Jackie Kendall

Author:Jackie Kendall [Kendall, Jackie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-7684-0441-8
Publisher: Destiny Image, Inc.

Here are a few coaching tips for teaching your child how to be a good forgiver:

1. Let your daughter articulate the grievance, offense or hurt (i.e., being embarrassed by someone in class).

2. Ask your daughter how it made her feel. (You are using this situation for healing and instruction in loving freely—which is forgiving freely.)

3. Ask your daughter to name a “hero.” Then encourage her to do something truly “heroic”—to forgive this person for hurting her feelings.

4. Encourage your daughter to pray with you, because to pray for the offending person is to overcome evil with good (see Rom. 12:21). Pray that God will bless this person and make him or her more like Jesus. (Note: You can’t fail when you pray with your child. In fact, the only failure in prayer is to not pray.)

5. Remind your daughter after praying for the offender that this prayer was a truly heroic act—to pray blessings on those who hurt you is using the “super power” of Jesus in you!

These tips on forgiving also apply to mean teens. Some teenagers are so mean they emotionally “eat your child for breakfast” when arriving at school. Parents can miss the chance to tutor their teens in how to forgive these mean kids by praying for them. Praying for those who hurt innocent kids is a noble and heroic mission; in fact, those mean kids are a critical mission field in our kids’ lives.

Remember, as parents, we need to practice these things as much as our children. Being offended is inevitable, but staying offended is a choice. A healthy family is a place where failure is not fatal and where forgiveness is given as freely as hugs and kisses (see Rom. 12:19-21; Eph. 4:32).

Being loved and encouraged by her family cultivates a security that is second only to your daughter’s security in her salvation in Christ. These are the foundations upon which to build as you raise a Young Lady of Security.

Chapter 3—Questions for Discussion

1. Does your daughter mirror any of your insecurities? (See First Corinthians 11:1; Psalms 139:14.)

2. Is your daughter struggling with a love tank deficit due to an absent father? (See Matthew 23:9.)

3. Discuss Jesus asking God to “keep an eye on” you and your daughter (see John 17:11,20).

4. Does your daughter know enough Scripture to “scream” the Word at the lies that challenge her security? (See John 8:32,44; Psalms 139:14; Ephesians 1:4-5.)

5. Read and discuss the quote by Donald Miller in the section titled, “The Gift of ‘No’” (see 1 Thess. 4:3-8).

6. Did you know why older guys date younger girls? (See First Timothy 5:1-2.)

7. Discuss how insecurity escorts teens to the No Zone (see 1 Cor. 6:19-20).

8. Is your daughter secure enough to say “No” when pressed to enter the No Zone?

9. Does forgiving the Bozo guy or mean girl seem a ridiculous request? (See Romans 12:19-21; Ephesians 4:32.)

Special Mother-Daughter Bonus Activity

Replace Insecurity With a New Sense of Competence

Here is an activity that you and your daughter can do together. Put the following confidence-building truths on index cards to have on the night-stand by your bed.

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